The Insanely Stupid Tale of Dibario
by doommuffin
Summary: A Mario Parody with the Zim characters. First chapter sucks, everything else is cool. This hasn't been updated in forever, and no it hasn't been updated now. Hiatus. I may write new chapters sometime.
1. Default Chapter

                I never planned to do this. I just stayed up too late playing Super Mario Sunshine one night, and had a freaky idea for a story. Yeah. It probably makes no sense. But it isn't meant too. Heh...yeah. I learned from another author that asking for reviews is rude, so I hope you people don't find me obnoxious for asking for your opinion. I do hope I get a review or two though, cause this seems like a pretty good idea to me. Yeah. I'll be quiet now.

Disclaimer: I don't own IZ or any Mario characters, so please, don't sue me.

                Dib-ario

                Dib and Zim were walking aimlessly around on a sidewalk, just like always. They were yelling random insults at each other, just like always. Things were pretty much the same, as always.

                "You're a psychopath," Dib yelled up to Zim.

                "At least I don't have greasy hair," Zim replied angrily.

                "At least _I don't wear a dress!"_

                "At least **_I don't have a gi-normas head!"_**

                Dib froze. "MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!"

                Zim sighed. "Is this story going any where?"

                "Who are you talking to?"

                "What?"

                "Huh?"

                "Spoot."

                "Spoot?"

                "What?"

                "Shutup."

                All of a sudden, an old lady popped out of thin air, right in front of Dib and Zim.

                "Holy cow! How'd this old lady pop out of thin air right in front of us?!" Zim yelled, confused.

                "I offer maaaagical powers..," the old lady rasped. Dib and Zim eyed each other nervously. Zim took his finger and spun it around in a circle beside his head. "I come from a maaaagical place, home to maaaagical beings..."

                "Can you stop saying maaaagical?" Dib asked, annoyed.

                The old lady turned into a 13 year old girl. "You don't like maaaagical? Fine. How about so-freaky-that-I-swear-I'm-high powers?"

                The two boys stared blankly at the girl.

                "I am Crystal, a.k.a. doommuffin. I come from the realm of fanfiction, and I'm here to torture you for others' amusement!"** said the girl.**

                "Who gives you the right to-" Zim started, but an anvil appeared out of no where and fell on his head. "Owies."

                Dib laughed and clapped his hands. "Do that again!"

                "No. I've got something better than anvils planned..," Crystal said. She pulled out her magical fairy wand that she had killed a green haired fairy named 'Cosmo' for. She waved it around and yelled "Mama-Mia!"

                Sparkly type...things started floating around Dib, making him look...sparkly. He grew a greasy mustache, and his nose bulged outward. He felt his stomach grow as he gained an extra 85 pounds. His blue shirt turned red, and his trench coat turned into blue overalls(don't ask how). His boots turned into clog-like shoes which were brown and shiny. Soon, all the maaaagical(sorry, couldn't resist) sparkles went away, and Dib looked like a goofy Italian plumber.

                "I CAN'T SEE OVER MY NOSE!" Dib screamed, horrified at his new body.

                "Oops, forgot something," Crystal said, and she waved the wand around again.

                *DING!*

                A red hat with a blue 'D' in the center fell on Dib's head.

                "There. All done," Crystal said, rubbing her hands together.

                "'Ding'? Since when does a wand go 'Ding'?" Dib asked, scratching his head.

                "HA! Dib, you sure did let yourself go!" Zim said, laughing. He'd some how thrown the anvil off of him, unharmed. He walked over to Dib and poked him in the stomach. It jiggled.

                "Hoo hoo!" Dib said, rubbing his tummy.

                Zim laughed insanely, slapping his knees. He fell on the ground, rolling from side to side. He laughed so much that it hurt.

                Crystal waved the wand around again, this time saying "Bwah ha ha ha" in a deep voice.

                Zim grew a spiky turtle shell which was much too big for him. He felt his stomach bulge out also, but he gained a few hundred more pounds than Dib. His antennae turned into spiky horns, and orange, bushy eyebrows grew above his eyes. His all ready claw-like hands grew sharp, white claws, and his teeth grew into sharp fangs.

                "AAAAAAHHH! HELP! I CAN'T MOVE!" Zim shouted, stuck on his back like a turtle. Crystal waved the wand, bringing Zim to an upright position. He fell down again. "This shell is WAY too heavy!"

                "Fine, ya big baby," Crystal said, annoyed. She waved the wand, decreasing Zim's shell's size(try saying that three times fast!).

                "_Now who's let himself go?" Dib said, smiling cockily. Zim growled and went to yell something, but fire came out of his mouth instead of words. When the fire and smoke cleared, Dib was covered with black ashes._

                "Um..," Dib stammered.

                "That...was...AWESOME!" Zim said, laughing evilly. "Come here Dib...I got something to say to you..."

                Gaz suddenly appeared out of no where.

                "WHAT IN THE HE-!" she started to yell, seeing Dib and Zim with their new bodies, but Crystal waved the wand before she could finish.

                Gaz felt herself grow taller and more...um...developed. Her hair grew longer, and it grew down behind her back. Her skull necklace was replaced with a pearl necklace, and her clothes turned into a long, pink dress. A beautiful crown was placed on her head.

                Gaz stared down at herself, then glared at Crystal. "PINK?!" She clenched her fists and growled. Crystal smiled nervously and waved the wand. The pink dress turned black. "That's more like it." Gaz glanced down at Dib and Zim, who were staring at her in disbelief. Dib had a nosebleed that he was desperately trying to hide. Zim was pure white, like a ghost. His jaw was hanging open, and his eyes were vacant. Gaz cringed in disgust.

                "Couldn't you have toned it down a little?!" Gaz yelled angrily at Crystal, but Crystal shook her head.

                "Princess Peach is supposed to be a beautiful slu-I mean princess," Crystal said, clearing her throat. "Now, you three better get used to these new bodies, because you're going to be in them for a good, long time. Dib - you're name is now Dib-ario. Zim - you're King BowZim. Gas - you're Princess Poison. Now, let's get this incredibly stupid story rolling!" 

                Crystal took her wand and spun it around in a circle, creating a spinny-dimension-warp-thingy-with-sparkleness. Dib, Zim, and Gaz all screamed and clung to the sidewalk, but they were sucked in, flailing, kicking, and screaming insanely. 

                Ugggh...trust me, the next chapter will be MUCH more entertaining then this thing was. Bleach...well, it's a start. Princess Poison is obviously going to be kidnapped by BowZim. Scary, no? Yep...heh. Hope you liked my idea, check out the next chapter(if I make another) if you really are interested about what happens. Peace!

                                                                                                                                -Crystal


	2. George gets Killed

                Oh, wow! I didn't expect reviews! Honestly, I didn't. I was going to add this chapter anyway. ^_^; Yeah. Has anyone ever sprayed perfume in their eye on purpose? I just did. Teenage perfume burns the worst. 'Now you feel pretty, don't you? Muahahaha!' Sorry. I'll shutup.

                Dib-ario

                Dib-ario woke up in bright green field, surrounded by flowers. There was a castle in front of him, and there was a note in the pocket of his overalls. It read:

                Dear Dib-ario,

                Please come to the castle. I have baked a cake for you. 

                Your's Truly, Princess Poison

                "Uggh...that portal thing made me sick," Dib-ario said, rubbing his head. He got up and walked towards the castle. As he crossed the bridge over the moat, he heard a strange '_Reeer reeer reeer' sound. Out of no where, a freaky little yellow dude floating on a cloud appeared with a camera hanging on a stick. He floated in front of Dib-ario, frowning._

                "I heard the camera puts on a couple pounds, but this..," the yellow dude said, looking down at Dib-ario's stomach.

                "Hey, this really isn't my body. This old lady girl person came with a fairy wand and did stuff," Dib-ario said. The yellow dude stared at him for a moment.

                "What kind of mushrooms do you put on your pizza?" he said, snickering. "I got to get me some of them. Anyway, I'm Lakitu, and I'm going to be filming you for some reason...I don't really know why. I don't get paid for it. I don't enjoy it either. Why would I want to stare at a greasy plumber all day anyway?" Lakitu said, talking to himself. Dib-ario ignored him and walked around him. He opened the door to the castle and walked in.

                "Uhhhm...Muahahaha! I have kidnapped Princess Poison and you'll never get your cake, you fat, big nosed plumber!" a familiar voice said. Dib-ario clenched his fists in anger.

                "ZIM!"

                **"BowZim you idiot!" the author of the story yelled. ****"Now, go into that room over there, all the way to the left!"**

                Dib-ario looked around, paranoid by all the voices. He walked over to the door to the left, which had a blank star on it. He knocked and slowly entered. There was a huge painting of a bomb in the room, but nothing else.

                "Oh help. Oh help. Oh somebody _please help," a voice said sarcastically. Dib-ario jumped, and saw that Tak was standing next to him._

                "Woah, hey now, stop! Why does she get to keep her name?" Dib-ario yelled at the author.

                **"BECAUSE I SAID SO!" the author boomed.**

                "Naw, she couldn't think of a cross between 'Tak' and 'Toad'," Tak said, laughing. Dib-ario noticed she had a mushroom-like hat on with red polka dots on, along with a blue vest. She cleared her throat. "Now. The princess is trapped in the walls somewhere, held captive by the evil King BowZim, blah de blah blah blah. It's up to you to save her, oh mighty Dib-ario," Tak said, apparently bored.

                "Annnnd...how exactly do I do that?" Dib-ario said, scratching his head.

                "Jump into the painting, get a star, the star will open a door. Get a star from that room, that will open another door, ect, ect. Do I need to draw a diagram?"

                "..."

                Tak tapped her foot impatiently. "The faster you save the 'princess', the faster we can go home. Now, jump into that painting before I make you jump into it."

                Dib-ario nodded and ran towards the painting. When he got close, he jumped. The painting made a sparkly sound and swirled around. Dib-ario felt himself going through another portal, and he hugged his stomach.

                "Not again..," he whined.

------------

                Meanwhile, way up at the top of the castle, BowZim sat on a throne eating a drumstick. Princess Poison was tied to a throne next to him. BowZim finished the drumstick and threw the bone behind him. Poison clenched her fists in anger.

                "As soon as stupid Dib-ario comes and rescues me, BowZim, I'm going to kill you," she said, fighting the ropes that held her back.

                "Hey, it isn't like I wanted to kidnap you. I didn't even tie you to that chair. I just woke up here and you were there already," BowZim said, grabbing a bucket of popcorn chicken. 

                "Honestly Zim, I've never seen you eat this much before," Poison said, watching BowZim eat in disgust.

                "Well, I figure since I'm so huge already," BowZim said, patting his stomach, "I should just let go and eat what a feel like." He shifted around in his seat. "I do kinda wish I didn't have this shell though. It makes it hard to sit on the this throne."

                "Yeah, well at least you're not wearing high heeled shoes that make your toes bleed, or a crown that cuts into your skull," Poison said angrily. "And at least not TIED to the throne."

                "I didn't put you there!"

                "Then untie me."

                "No."

                "Why not?!"

                BowZim scratched the back of his head, blushing slightly. "Ehh..."

                Poison looked down at where the ropes were. The went tightly around her entire stomach and part of her chest. "Oh."

------------

                Dib-ario finally got out of the painting's portal, landing on his head. He laid on the ground for the moment, dazed. When he finally got his senses back, he got up and straightened his hat. He was in a battlefield, with lots of cannons shooting. But instead of bombs, they were shooting water bombs. And instead of soldiers firing the cannons, bombs with legs were.

                "Um..," Dib-ario stuttered.

                "**Doot, doot, doot, DOOT, doo doo!" something said. Dib-ario spun around and saw a pink bomb standing behind him. He screamed and kicked it as hard as he could, and it flew into a wall and blew up.**

                "**NOOOOO! GEORGE!" another pink bomb said running up beside Dib-ario. "****He was only one day away from retirement too.."**

**                "Uhh...sorry. It was a reflex," Dib-ario said to the little bomb. The pink bomb looked up at him and glared.**

                "**If you weren't going to kill the Bomb-omb King, I'd blow up in your face," the bomb said.**

                "Who?" 

                The bomb became angry. "**The Bomb-omb King! Irrrg...you don't know anything do you? Okay, first things first. We are bomb-ombs. If you see a black bomb-omb, kill it or run. Us pink ones are here to help you. Now, you're going to climb that big mountain over there and kill the Bomb-omb King. Otherwise, I'll explode you."**

                "Explode me?" Dib-ario said.** The bomb-omb growled and lit its fuse. Dib-ario yelped and ran away. He crossed over a bridge, and saw a huge ball with teeth connected to a chain. There was a star in a cage behind it. The huge ball barked and threw itself, the chain stopping it.**

                "Maybe later..," Dib-ario said, and he quickly ran past the ball monster, crossing another bridge. The bridge tilted with Dib-ario's great weight, and he just barely managed to cross it. He went up some steps and found himself in another field, and he heard a strange whistling sound. He scratched his head and tried to think. The sound started to get closer and closer, and it sounded like it was above him. Dib-ario looked up and saw a huge water bomb coming towards him.

                "AAAAAHHHH!"

                Dib-ario jumped out of the was just in time, hitting a black bomb-omb. The bomb-omb lit its fuse in anger. Dib-ario screamed and ran, but the bomb-omb just chased him around in circles. He heard another water bomb coming down towards him, and he ran faster. The water bomb eventually landed on the bomb-omb, causing it to explode. Dib-ario watched the smoke clear and saw a path to go up the mountain.

                He went on the path, and soon found himself in a ditch with two huge, rolling balls**. He stood there for a moment, then jumped. He landed on the other side of the balls, scratch free. He rubbed his hands together.**

                "That was pretty easy," Dib-ario said proudly. A water bomb exploded on him. He rubbed his eyes and tried to get the water out of his greasy mustache. "Owww..," he whined as he put his hat back on, and he got up again.

                Dib-ario followed a long path around the mountain, which seemed to get narrower and narrower. He dodged many rolling balls and jumped over a few gaps. Soon he was at the very top. 

                "Mama-Mia," he panted, wiping the sweat out of his eyes. It had been a long climb up, and he was tired. 

                "**WHO DARES TO SCALE MY MOUNTAIN!" a voice boomed. Dib jumped, startled by the voice that was booming. He was tired of hearing voices booming. He was also tired of bold font. In front of him was a gigantic bomb-omb with a silly looking crown on his head. Unlike the other bomb-ombs, this one had arms. It was obviously the Bomb-omb King.**

                "**Well?" the King said impatiently.**

                "Well what?" Dib-ario asked, confused.

                "**Who are you?"**

                "Um...Dib-ario."

                "**RRROOOOOOAR! DIB-ARIO! HOW DARE YOU SCALE MY MOUNTAIN! PREPARE TO DIE!" the Bomb-omb King roared. He charged at Dib-ario.**

                Yay! End chapter! Next chapter there will be a fight(doiy) and stuff! Thanks for reading, you silly person you! Look at all the exclamation points!!!!! Seeya!

                                                                                                                                                -Crystal(!)


	3. Super Happy Fun Time

            Wee! I'm eating York Peppermint Patties! Now I can't taste anything! Eh, I'm a little hyper. Last night, I was up till 11:38 p.m. dusting and vacuuming my room for no reason. I told my mom that I felt 'unclean'. I think that food at Fuddrucker's really messed up my mind. Ahem...let's get moving.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Simpsons.

            Dib-ario

            The Bomb-omb King lunged at Dib-ario, roaring like an insane chimpanzee. Dib-ario yiped and jumped to the side, almost falling off the mountain. The King landed on his stomach and slid. He slid until he flew off the side of the mountain. There was a huge explosion as the King landed. Dib-ario blinked.

            "That was pretty pointless, don'tcha think?!" Dib-ario yelled at the author. 

            "**You dare mock me?! I'll show you pointless!" the author screamed. The Bomb-omb King appeared in front of Dib-ario, unharmed.**

            "THANKS A LOT!" Dib-ario yelled sarcastically. The Bomb-omb King stomped.

            "**I have a star, Dib-ario. But you will not get it from me with out a fight!" the King said. He stomped like a Sumo wrestler. "****Just try and pick me up and throw me on the ground! I laugh at you! Ha ha ha! See me laughing at you?"**

            "Must you talk with bold font? It's really annoying," Dib-ario said.

            "**I talk in bold because I am important, big, and LOOOOUD!" the Bomb-omb King yelled. Dib-ario watched as a flock of birds flew away. He sighed and shook his head. "****And the author likes me best...so there. Nya!"**

            "Okay, let's fight," Dib-ario said, and he tensed up. Fast paced fighting music started playing. The Bomb-omb King started walking around in circles, very slowly. He stomped loudly as he walked. Dib-ario blinked, then frowned in disgust.

            "You've got to be kidding. Is this supposed to be challenging?" Dib-ario asked, annoyed. The King roared angrily. Dib-ario yawned. The King narrowed his eyes, and stomped over to Dib-ario as fast as he could(turtle speed). Dib-ario laughed.

            "Is that all the fast you can go? Maybe you should lose some weight, fatty," Dib-ario said, and he kicked the King in the stomach. There was a loud clang, and Dib-ario's eyes bulged. "OWWW! OW! OW! OW!" he yelled, hopping up on one foot. The King picked him up as he was yelping, and he threw Dib-ario off the mountain.

            "HOOWA!" Dib-ario cried as he landed on the ground. He rubbed his head and groaned. He heard a loud rolling sound, and saw that a huge metal ball was rolling towards him. He leaped out of the way.

            "Stupid overweight metal bomb person," Dib-ario said, and he stood up. He ran back up to the top of the mountain as fast as he could, and the fighting music started again. The Bomb-omb King started stomping again. Dib-ario took a deep breath, then ran behind the King and picked him up.

            "**How the heck are you picking me up?! I weigh over 500 pounds!" the King exclaimed. Dib-ario shrugged, then threw the King to the ground. There was a loud groan, then the King exploded into pieces. A star appeared where he had been, and it floated to the center of the mountain.**

            "He wasn't so hard. What's the deal? One hit?" Dib-ario said, puzzled.

            "**He was supposed to take three hits. I was just tired of him existing, so I lowered it to one hit," the author explained.**

            "Um...yeah."

            Dib-ario walked over to the star and jumped. There was a twinkle sound, and party music started playing. Dib-ario did a little dance and yelled "Here we go!" Then a portal ripped open in the sky and he was sucked into it.

------------

            Dib-ario leaped out of the painting, and a little victory diddy played. He took off his hat and ruffled his hair. A save menu popped up in front of him. 

            "Um...save and continue?" Dib-ario said, unsure. A sparkly sound played, and the menu flew away. Tak was cleaning her fingernails at the side of the room.

            "Did you win?" she asked, not really caring.

            "Yeah," Dib-ario said, proud of himself. He did a little victory march around the room. Tak rolled her eyes in disgust. She threw her nail file at him.

            "_Great job, Dib-ario! You've recovered one of the castle stars! Now you can open all the doors that require one star to open them! Whoopee!" a voice said. Dib-ario stopped his march and looked around the room._

            "I am **SO sick of voices coming out of no where! Why can't a regular person talk to me?! Why don't they at least have a floating head?! WHY?! All these voices make me feel like a schizo!" Dib-ario yelled, spit flying out of his mouth.**

            "That's because you _are a schizo Dib...Dib-ario, whatever. I'm just going to call you Lard Boy," Tak said, snickering. Dib-ario glared at her._

            "Fine, Mushroom Head. Call me what you will. I'm out of here," Dib-ario said, and he stomped out the room, slamming the door behind him. He looked around the huge room for a door with a 1 on it. He walked over to a blank door and opened it.

            "You decide your destiny. What color pill would you like?" a black man with black sunglasses said. The sunglasses didn't have anything holding them on his face. They just sat on his nose. Dib-ario stared at him for a moment, then slowly backed out of the room and slammed the door. "Ooooooo....kay."

            Dib-ario looked around the room once more and saw a door with a star on it with the number 1 in red on it. He climbed up the staircase and opened the door. He looked around the room. It was empty. There were three windows with a stained glass portrait of Princess Poison on them, but that was it. There was also a sign posted on the wall.

            "Jump through the window! Ride down the slide! Super happy fun time!" the sign read. Dib-ario scratched his head and looked at the windows. He read over the sign again and sighed. He took a few steps back, ran as fast as he could, then jumped into the center window.

            Glass broke all around him, and he fell two stories into the moat around the castle. He belly flopped into the ice cold water and sunk to the bottom like a rock. Dib-ario swam to the surface and gasped for air. He growled in fury.

            "It said to jump through the window! I see no slide! SUPER HAPPY FUN TIME?!" Dib-ario screamed, and he forced himself up. He ran back into the castle, up the staircase, and back into the room with the windows. This time, he walked over to the left window and tried to stick his arm through it. He punched through the window and cut up his fingers. 

            "Well, that only leaves the one to the farthest right," he said to himself, and he backed up again. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and ran toward the window. He jumped into it. He felt no crash, but a freaky sucking sensation, and he was in another portal.

------------

            Dib-ario eventually landed on a hard red floor. In front of him was a big yellow slide which went through a tunnel. There was freaky hoe-down like music playing. It made him cringe.

            "_Congratulations! You've found one of the secret castle rooms! Dive into the slide! It will be great fun! Super happy fun time! Huzzah!" said a voice. Dib-ario clenched his fists, still mad at all the floating voices. Wait...Can voices float? Whatever._

            Dib-ario ran towards the slide, preparing to jump and dive onto it. He was running a little too fast and tripped over his shoelace. He did a flip in mid-air and landed on his back, going down the slide backwards. He squealed as he helplessly slid down the slide blindly.

            "EEEE!" Dib-ario screeched, and he hit a wall on the side of the slide. He was able to turn himself so he could face forward. He saw in front of him that the walls soon would not be at the sides of the slide, and that he could fly off.

            "Who the heck built this slide anyway?!" Dib-ario yelled as he went down some steep hills, sometimes flying through the air. He bounced each time he landed. He noticed that whenever he slid, he heard a 'shiiiiii' sound, but it stopped if he wasn't sliding anymore. The hoe-down music played faster. Eventually, Dib-ario reached the end of the slide, and he hit his head on a small case of stairs.

            "Owww..thank God the hoe-down music stopped..oiy," Dib-ario said as he rubbed his head. He forced himself up and saw a floating box with a '!' on it. He jumped under it, hit his head, and it exploded. A star floated down to him, and once again, he yelled "Here we go!" and was sucked into another portal.

------------

            Dib-ario landed in the main entrance of the castle, and the victory diddy played again. The save menu appeared again, and Dib-ario punched at it. It floated away, making a yiping sound as it left. Dib-ario looked around the room, looking for another door with 1 star required to open it. He found one right in front of his big, proboscis nose.

            Dib-ario opened the door and went into the room. There was a painting of a weird, castle like place in front of him. He took a deep breath and jumped into the painting.

------------

            The portal spat Dib-ario out into a small field with a tree next to him. He looked around and saw a Venus fly trap like thingy in a small patch of flowers. As he walked towards it, lullaby music played. There was a bubble coming out of the plant's..nose thing. Dib-ario scratched his head.

            "YO! Mr. Plant Thing! Where am I?!" Dib-ario yelled into the plant's..ear thing. The plant yelled, then bit Dib-ario's enormous head. Dib-ario screamed like a banshee. The piranha plant had intended to swallow the plumber, but it didn't like the salty, greasy taste. He'd probably get indigestion. The plant spit Dib-ario out.

            "I'm quite sorry, old chap, but I was just having the most splendid dream, and when you awoke me, I was a tad upset. No hard feelings, eh my boy?" the piranha plant said, and he pulled a cup of tea out from behind him and sipped it daintily. Dib-ario stared at the plant for a moment, then ran away.

            Dib-ario followed a path up a hill, to where some stones with freaky faces were popping out of the wall. Dib-ario cleared his throat, trying to get their attention.

            "Myessss?" one of the stones said. He had a deep voice, and he sounded a bit stupid. "What can I do you for, Mr. Stinky Mustache Man?"

            Dib-ario breathed into his hand and sniffed. He sneezed. 'Eww...I do stink.' He wiped his hands on his dirty overalls. "Um, yeah, Mr...Stone Face Dude, where should I go?" Dib-ario asked the stone. The stone popped out of the wall a few times, excited some how.

            "Darrr...go up this here hill! You gotta get past me though...Hyuck! The path up to the block man with the Band-Aid on his back is pretty obvious," the stone said, and he laughed like a hillbilly. Dib-ario bit his lip, wondering if he should believe the retarded rock person. He shrugged, then decided to go up the hill. He jumped over the stone man, who started weeping afterwards(he's an anti-social), then jumped over two more stone people. He crossed over some weird platforms that moved, almost falling through one, then saw some steps leading up to a platform with a small staircase. 

            "OoOWA!"

            Dib-ario scratched his head, wondering where the sound came from. After a few seconds he heard it again.

            "OoOWA!" *BOOM!*

            Dib-ario looked in the direction of the sound, and saw a huge blue stone with an unhappy expression on his face. 'How come all these stones have faces?' Dib-ario wondered, and he approached the angry stone guy. 

            "Hello?"

            "OoOWA!" *BOOM!* ~squish!~

            The blue stone man smashed Dib-ario into the ground. Dib-ario felt like a pancake. The blue stone man laughed, then went up in the air again. Dib-ario quickly popped up to his normal size and jumped up the steps as fast as he could.

            When Dib-ario finally did reach the top, he put his hands on his knees and panted. "Note to self: Avoid all stones with faces," he said, and he cracked his spine. As he stood there, lullaby music started to play. "That can't be good." Dib-ario looked to his right and saw a sleeping piranha plant at the top of the small staircase. There was no way to get around the plant without falling off the platform. Dib-ario sighed, then started to tip-toe towards the plant. 

            He silently climbed up the staircase, as quiet as a mouse. The plant stirred in its sleep. Dib-ario froze in place. When the plant seemed like it was in a deep sleep again, he tip-toed closer to it. As soon as Dib-ario got very close to the plant, it reached out one of its leaves and grabbed him. It snuggled him close, just like a teddy bear. Dib-ario squealed like a piggy. The plant started to talk in its sleep.

            "Come now, my baby, do not be shy. Show me some love. Do not play hard to get," it said in a French accent. It brought Dib-ario close to its face. It puckered its lips. Dib-ario screamed, and slapped him. The plant woke up, and roared in anger. Dib-ario jumped away, just out of its reach.

            "AMERICAN SWINE!" the piranha plant said, waving a clenched leaf at Dib-ario. Dib-ario sneered.

            "I'm Italian!" he yelled, and he stuck his tongue out. Dib-ario laughed, then left the plant yelling profanities. Shortly after Dib-ario left the plant, more lullaby music started playing. "Oh great," he said, and he looked around. There were two pathways. One was a very narrow one with a sleeping piranha plant, and the other had two bridges, one crumbly, the other very narrow.

            Dib-ario looked at each path, trying to decide which one would be easier. He decided to go with the bridges. He cracked his knuckles, then ran toward the bridge. The bridge crumbled underneath him, falling in chunks. Dib-ario was faster, though, and he made it to the platform before the narrow bridge. He stuck his arms in the air, and started tip-toeing over the narrow bridge. He collected several spinning coins, then came to the other side of the bridge.

            The lullaby was still playing, and the plant was still sleeping. Dib-ario smiled, happy that he didn't wake up a plant for once. In front of him, he saw a spinning bridge. He waited for it to come toward him, ran to the center, waited for it to spin, then ran to the other side.

            Dib-ario heard some familiar stamping. Loud stomping. Loud stomping that was above him, stamping heavily, and stamping like a sumo-wrestler stamper stamping about stampily. 

            "STAMPY!" Bart yelled, then died.

            "Oh, man, do I have to fight another Bomb-omb King guy?!" Dib-ario asked the author, annoyed.

            "**Nope. This guys different. Let me show ya," the author said. A huge hand came out of the sky. Dib-ario screamed like a rabid squirrel on crack. He tried to run, but the hand grabbed him, and brought him high in the air, then dropped him at the top of the hill. Dib-ario shook his head, dizzy.**

            "**FEE FI FO FOM! I'M GONNA SMASH YOU WITH MY BUM!" said a voice. There was some more loud stamping.**

            "Booo! Get a writer!" said a mean heckler, and many tomatoes were thrown.

            Dib-ario looked behind him, and saw an enormous stone with fists and feet. He had one tooth, and didn't look too happy. He was randomly stamping around on the ground. He'd been waiting there all day for somebody to hear his creative poetry.

            Dib-ario waved meekly and said "Hi." He gulped.

            "**I HAVE A STAR THAT YOU MAY NOT CLAIM, IF YOU CHALLENGE ME YOU WILL GET MAIMED!" the stone man said.**

            Dib-ario cringed at the bad writing. "Aaaauugh! You SUCK!" He dug in his pockets for something to throw.

            The stone man began to weep. "**I suppose ridicule comes with genius," the stone man said, and he wiped his eyes. "****Still...EVERYBODY IS SO MEAN TO MEEEE!" The stone man went into a tantrum, and he decided to take his anger out on Dib-ario. Fast paced fighting music started to play, just like with the Bomb-omb King, signaling that a fight began.**

            "Oh great," Dib-ario said, and he put up his dukes.    

You like Super Happy Fun Time? I like Super Happy Fun Time! Super Happy Fun Time go ZOOM! I go Zoom too! Byez!

-Crystal


	4. BowZim plays checkers

                Yay! I'm alive! And I'm updating! Sorry for my absence. Neopets ate my life again. How sad for me, no? Heh. Well, when you have over 600k of neopoints, you do tend to go insane with buying stuff. I'll shutup. Enjoy!

                Chapter 4

                "Blackjack!"

                "We're playing checkers, Zim," Princess Poison said. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

                "...checkmate?" BowZim said, unsure. He'd never played checkers before. It was very confusing to him, but also fun. He was hyper from all the pixie sticks he had eaten earlier.

                "Ugg..," Poison sighed, annoyed. "When your black checker reaches my end of the board, you say 'King me!', okay? Do you understand now?"

                "...no."

                "You're a complete idiot, aren't you?"

                BowZim looked hurt, then clenched his fists in anger. "Your Earth game is too easy for me! It would be unfair to you if I were to play!" He knocked the board off the table, the folded his arms in front of him and stuck his tongue out. Poison watched him, amused. It was fun to tick BowZim off, and easy too.

                "That game was stupid," BowZim said, and he scratched at his head. "Why don't we play Twister?"

                "I'm tied to a chair," Poison said angrily.

                "Oh...heh. I forgot," BowZim said, slightly embarrassed.

                 "Besides, you're too fat with that shell on your back. You'd probably fall on me and kill me. Fatso."

                "Well you....Your...SHUTUP!" BowZim yelled, and he turned his throne around so he wouldn't have to look at Poison. Poison chuckled to herself at his frustration. She saw BowZim shifting around in his throne.

                "What's wrong? Can't you stay still?" Poison asked, half laughing.

                "I..," BowZim started, but stopped himself, a little embarrassed. He sat on his feet.

                "What?" Poison asked again, becoming annoyed. BowZim remained silent. "ANSWER ME!"

                "I **REALLY have to go to the bathroom!" BowZim cried, and he fell off his throne. Poison laughed at him.**

                "That's what you get for drinking all the crab juice."

                "Shutup!"

                Out of nowhere, a door slammed open and a freaky little midget thing with no arms and a huge brown head walked in.

                "Where'd that door come from?!" BowZim asked, bewildered. The little midget thing made a chirp sound.

                "I am a goomba!" the thing said, its lower jaw sticking out way more than it should. "Quee!" it chirped. "Dib-ario is fighting the Brick guy!"

                "So?" Poison said, angry that the goomba had interrupted her fun.

                "Yeah, what do I care?" BowZim asked, glaring at the goomba.

                "Uhh...if he defeats the Brick guy and goes through some more paintings, you'll have to fight him," the goomba said slowly. BowZim stared at it for a while. The goomba shifted its wait from one foot to the other, uncomfortable.

                "Huh?" BowZim finally said, and he scratched at his head. The goomba fell over and groaned in disgust. Poison clenched her fists in anger.

                "He said that if that brick idiot doesn't stop Dib-ario, he'll eventually get here, and you'll have to fight him, you big fat doofus!" she yelled hotly.

                There was a moment of silence. The goomba started backing up toward the door, feeling awkward. "Well...I'll see you guys later," it said, and it quickly waddled out the door, which vanished after he left. More silence followed his departing.

                "...hey Zim, have you ever played chess?"

------------

                "**I do have talent! You just can't comprehend it because you're a stupid!" the brick man yelled as he chased after Dib-ario. Dib-ario was running in circles all panicky like. He couldn't figure out how to kill a brick. The brick man fell in an attempt to squish Dib-ario. "****A big fat monkey nosed stupid!" he yelled, sobbing. The brick man got up and chased after Dib-ario again.**

                'This is pointless!' Dib-ario thought as he quickened his pace, waving his arms wildly as he ran. His potbelly jiggled up and down as he ran. The snowman giggled when he saw it. Then he burst into flames and mooed.

                "**CRITICS MAKE GEORGE ANGRY!" the brick man yelled, even though his name wasn't George. It was Bob. He tried to crush Dib-ario again, but just fell on his face with a thud. He kicked his legs and went into a tantrum. He screamed and yelled and smacked the floor. **

                As Bob the brick man was crying like the sad, pathetic being he was, Dib-ario spotted the huge Band-aid on his back. The Band-aid was the only thing holding Bob together. If Dib-ario get the Band-aid off, Bob would fall apart and die.

                "**...and Freddy pulled my shorts down and everybody laughed!..," Bob the brick man was sobbing, thinking about some tragic moment in his life, and he cried harder. Dib-ario cautiously crept up to him and jumped on his back.**

                **"AIIIEY!" Bob screamed, feeling a massive weight on his back. "****OH MY GOD, AN ELEPHANT IS SITTING ON MY BACK WITH A FEW HIPPOS! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF!" he said, struggling to pull himself up, but Dib-ario was so fat and heavy that he couldn't budge.**

                "...I'M NOT FAT!" Dib-ario screamed at the author. 

                "**Ooooh yes you are, you fat hog you. You're greasy hair alone weighs 10 pounds," the author said, and she poked Dib-ario in the stomach with a clown. The clown gave Dib-ario a kiss, Bugs Bunny style, then evaporated in the morning sun.**

                "...WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Dib-ario screamed, deeply confused. 

                **"I am the author, I can make a clown pop out of thin air if I want. Now shut up and get back to work," the author said, and then the microphone clicked off and she was gone. Dib-ario clenched his fists angrily, muttering to himself about how he would destroy all fanfiction writers when he finally got out of this fic.(~glee~)**

                Bob the brick man suddenly whined in pain, and Dib-ario remembered what he was doing. He ripped the Band-aid off of Bob's back, who screamed like a banshee, then quickly jumped off and ran away, expecting an explosion of some kind. Bob just split into two pieces, then turned to dust. Dib-ario stared at the dust a few minutes, then cautiously approached it. When he was a foot away, it exploded. A star popped out of the fire. Dib-ario stared at the star, grabbed it quickly, and looked at the sky as the vortex opened to suck him back to the castle.

                "I hate you," he called to the author as he left.

------------

                BowZim was hopping from one foot to the other, hunched over slightly and whining. Princess Poison was watching him closely, deeply amused.

                "Have you ever been to Niagara Falls, Zim?" Poison asked, grinning evilly. BowZim shook his head quickly, still dancing his little hop dance. "It's this huge waterfall, and the water just rushes from the cliff, gushing out and making waves as it lands. I wonder how many gallons fall from it in a minute. Close to a hundred thousand I would guess."

                "OoOOoH!" BowZim whined, and he bit his lower lip, hunching over more and hopping more quickly.

                Poison smiled more. "When I went to this one city, there was this place called Flushing Meadows, and-" The door slammed open. The goomba raced in, chirping nervously as it went. BowZim's eyes bulged.

                "Quee! Quee! Dib-ario! He's defeated the brick man!" The goomba said quickly. BowZim grabbed him by the neck and glared at him.

                "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?!?!" he screamed, shaking the goomba wildly. The goomba groaned and pointed toward the door with his enormous foot.

                "Down the hall to the right."

                BowZim threw the goomba to the ground and darted out the door. Poison and the goomba watched the door, waiting for his return. They waited 7 minutes, then heard the toilet flush, and BowZim marched into the room with a blissful look on his face. He sat down in his throne and yawned, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.

                "Now Mr. Shrimpy Gumby Thingy-ma-bobber, what did you want?" BowZim asked after a minute of silence. The goomba shifted its eyes every which way and paced slightly.

                "Uhm...Dib-ario has gotten past...he's destroyed the brick man, sir," the goomba said, and he quickly shut his eyes tight and held up one of his feet defensively. "Please don't hurt me," he said quickly.

                To his surprise, BowZim laughed. "What do I care?" he said, grabbing a can of crab juice from behind him. Poison shook her head in disgust.

                "He only needs five more stars, sir."

                "Oh...that could be a problem. Whatever," BowZim said, throwing the empty can behind him. He cracked his knuckles. "If he DOES get to me, I'LL defeat him myself," he said, and he grabbed a box of Pop-Tarts.

------------

                End Chapter. I hope you all liked it! It didn't take very long to write. It was kinda short I guess, but hey, it's better than nothing. Come back 2 weeks from now or sooner for a new chapter. Later!

                                                                                                -Crystal


	5. The Evil Little Penguin

                Wow! I've been gone longer than I thought! Oiy. Sorry bout that, my soul was devoured by my Gamecube over the holiday break. ^_^; Meh...yeah. I have no clue when Shadole or anything else will be updated. It won't be months and months and months though. I'll tell ya when the time is near.

Disclaimer: Don't take anything offensive here. If the rape thing offends you, remember that this is a story and nothing more and that is meant to be for humor. If you get all 'politically correct' on me, I'll apologize but I'll be a tid bit annoyed. Oh, and I don't own Spam.     

                Chapter 5

                Dib-ario looked around, the snow sparkling all around him. He had to squint to see anything. A large penguin had informed him that her baby was lost in the snow.

                "Oh my poor youngin'!" the fat blue penguin had screamed. "Lost in the snow, all by her lonesome! She is too beautiful to perish...just like me! Oh help!"

                Dib-ario hadn't really paid any attention to her, but she had grabbed him by his large head and shook him about, screaming profanities at him until he had agreed.

                "Thank you, suga'. Maybe when you find my sweet little baby, we can get to know each other a little more..," she had said as she batted her eyelashes at him. Dib-ario had stared at her for a while, then slowly backed away, his disgusted expression stuck on his face.

                "How the heck am I supposed to find a little penguin in a snow storm anyway?" Dib-ario said to himself, and he rubbed his eyes. "I'll probably get snow blindness before I find the stupid runt."

                "Mommy!" somebody yelled in the distance.

            "What was that?" Dib-ario said, and he started to walk in that direction.

            "Mommy, help me!" It was a girl's voice. Dib-ario quickened his pace.

            "Mommy, save me!" Dib-ario raced up a hill and finally saw who the voice belonged to. It was a small penguin, and it looked just like the fat one he had met earlier, only smaller. It was waddling around in circles, and by the footprints left in the snow, Dib-ario could tell that it had been waddling in the same circle for a few hours.

            "Excuse me, little penguin girl?" Dib-ario asked the penguin.

            "What you want, sucka'?" the little penguin replied, her voice sharp and angry.   "Are you lost?" Dib-ario asked.

            "My mama says not to talk to fat bellied Italians with greasy mustaches," the little girl replied happily. She continued walking in her small circle, clucking as she went. It took Dib-ario a little while to recover from her insult.

            "...uh, yeah. Well, your mama is awfully worried about you. She sent me to find you," Dib-ario said kindly, and he smiled weakly.

            "Mama says that perverted child molesters talk like you do," the penguin said, and she giggled. "Mama says if a stranger like you talks to me and won't leave me alone, I should scream rape at the top of my lungs!" She stared up at Dib-ario for a moment, her large green eyes taking up over half her face. "...RAPE! RAPE! OH, RAPE!" she screamed, flailing her wings insanely.

            "Knock it off!" Dib-ario yelled angrily, and he clamped her beak shut with his hand. A murmured scream came from her beak. "Look, I'm just trying to help you. You're mother really did send me here, so please just cooperate with me for a little while," Dib-ario said, and he picked the penguin girl up. "Are you going to be a good girl?" he asked gently. The little penguin nodded gingerly. Dib-ario sighed and let the penguin's beak go.

            "I'm being raped by a greasy plumber! HELP!" she screamed.

            Just at that moment, two police penguins had been at the foot of the hill Dib-ario and the little penguin girl were at the top of. The fattest one heard the scream for help. He hit his partner on the shoulder and pointed to the top of the hill. They nodded at each other, then started to run up the hill. Chase music began to play

            "Augh! You stupid penguin of evil!" Dib-ario yelled at the little penguin, who giggled and clapped her flippers together. Dib-ario tucked her under his arm like a football, then ran down the other side of the hill before the cops could get to the top. He tripped over a snow drift and fell on his pudgy belly and slid across the snow like a sled.

            "Wee-hee-heee!" the little penguin cried from under Dib-ario's arm. Eventually the hill they were sliding down got too steep, and Dib-ario flew off of it into the empty space.

            "WAAA!" Dib-ario screamed as he flew through the emptiness. He heard BowZim laugh in the distance, and he blacked out.

------------

            "Lost another life, huh?" Tak said angrily, looking at Dib-ario with disgust. She shook her head, then walked to the corner of the room, pulling a magazine from thin air. "What's so hard about finding a stupid penguin?"

            "This penguin is EVIL! EVIIIIIIL!" Dib-ario said, lying on the floor with his arms outstretched. "She screams every time I pick her up or talk to her. She's a freak!" Dib-ario sat up and put his hands over his face. "How can I get her to trust me?"

            "Go on a diet and take a shower," Tak said, and she snickered. Dib-ario gave her a quick glare, then rubbed at his chin, thinking. There was a long moment of silence. A clock ticked. Tak turned the page of her magazine. Dib-ario rubbed his chin until it turned red.

            "**Dress up like a can of Spam, you stupid retard!" the author screamed at them impatiently. "**Don't you know penguins love Spam?! Everyone knows that!**" She sighed in annoyance. "****Can't I have one chapter without saying anything?! You're SO pathetic!"**

            "HEY! We didn't wanna come here in the first place! Don't you point at us with you index finger!" Dib-ario yelled at the author. Tak just shrugged, not paying attention. 

            "**First of all, I'm not pointing, and second of all, I wouldn't use my index finger to point at you anyway. So, nyah," the author replied.**

            "Besides, penguins don't eat Spam! They eat fish! How could they open a can of Spam in the first place?! They don't got fingers! Nobody likes Spam!" Dib-ario rambled on. 

            "**I LIKE SPAM!" the author cried defensively.**

            "Are you evil, or insane, or just stupid?!"

            "**Stuvilsane."**

            ".....What?"

            "**Ha! You are confused, so yes, I win."**

            "...I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" Dib-ario screamed, and he ran around in circles for a little while, waving his arms like a chimpanzee. Then he jumped back into the painting of the penguin.

------------

            Dib-ario walked around in the snow, searching for the little penguin once again. He had a fish in one of his pockets, a can of Spam in the other. He was planning to bribe the penguin to come with him.

            "Here little penguiny penguin...where are you, you sweet little overweight pigeon of pain and darkness? Come to Uncle Dib-ario before he crushes your skull in!" Dib-ario cried out cheerfully. He tripped over something and fell into a big pile of snow. "Stupid log!" he said angrily, and he kicked whatever he had tripped over. It gave out a cry of pain.

            "What the..?" Dib-ario said, and he knelt down over the thing and started moving the snow off of it. It was the little penguin girl, her blue feathers almost white. She shivered in the cold. Her eyes were closed. Dib-ario stared at her for a while, feeling guilty. After a moment, he picked her up and cradled her.

            "Poor little evil thing," Dib-ario said to himself, feeling like a jerk. He started walking down a large hill, the snow blowing around him and in his eyes. He shielded the little penguin the best he could. Soon it became to slippery to walk, and Dib-ario slipped and fell on his hiney. Heh...hiney. The author laughed insanely in her castle.

            Dib-ario slid down the hill until he was on flat land. He got up and walked a little while until he came to a bridge. The snow was clearing up now, and he could see more clearly. There were two snowmen with sticks sticking out of them. They had no arms. They were jumping around on the bridge.

            As Dib-ario approached the bridge and went to cross it, one snowman came up to him, yelling.

            "You're not thinking of crossing 'ere, are ya laddie?" the snowman asked angrily. "Because if you are, I'm gonna hafta stop ya now. And I'll be extra angry, cause I don't get paid extra for beating people to a bloody pulp now."

            Dib-ario stared at him. "Uhh...I gotta get this penguin to her mom. I think she's sick," he said, holding out the penguin. "Please let me pass. It's an emergency."

            "Ha ha ha!" the snowman laughed. "Emergency? There are no emergencies 'ere!"

            "What if she dies?" Dib-ario asked, frustration showing in his voice.

            "A what if is a what if, sonny boy. If we spent all our time 'ere ifing, we'd be dead before we got to do anything," the snowman replied. "Now I'm gonna hafta ask you to leave." The snowman motioned with his eyes to the broom, which Dib-ario now realized was a weapon.

            "But she needs to get to her mom! Her mom is worried sick!" Dib-ario said angrily.

            Violin music started to play, and the snowman's coal eyes welled with tears. "When I was young...my mama...she made cookies...I never got none...she gave all the other kids some..." The snowman burst out crying. "Mama didn't love me!" His tears turned to snowflakes. Dib-ario watched him with annoyance. He put the penguin down on the ground, then took the snowman's coal eyes off his face and threw them as far as he could. 

            "AAAIIA!" the snowman screamed, and then his head fell off and melted for some reason. A coin came out of him. Dib-ario ignored it, picked up the penguin girl, and ran across the bridge before the other snowman could notice. 

            Dib-ario continued running down a few hills until he reached the mama penguin's little next. The mama was threatening a policeman with a can of spray deodorant.

            "FIND MY BABY, OR YOU'LL SMELL LEMONY FRESH!" she screamed, and the policeman ran away. Dib-ario slowly approached her, holding the little penguin out in front of him.

            "Uh...Miss Penguin? I've found you're daughter," Dib-ario said, and he laid the little penguin by the big penguin's feet. The mama picked up the little penguin, and she began to cry.

            "My poor, frozen baby! What has this smelly plumber done to you?" she cried, and she smacked Dib-ario across the face. Dib-ario rubbed at his smacked face and glared at the penguin. "She's frozen solid! She needs Spam!" the mama said, and she began to cry again. 

            "I've got Spam, ma'am," Dib-ario said, pulling out the can. He opened it and handed it to the penguin, who fed it to her daughter. The little penguin ate it, and her color returned to normal and she woke up, yawning.

            "Thank you!" the mama penguin said, and she picked Dib-ario up and hugged him tight. Dib-ario felt his spine crack as she squeezed him. When she finally put him down, she threw a star at him. "Thank you so much, sir. Come back now, ya hear?"

            Dib-ario grabbed the star, winked at the penguins, and was sucked into another spinny portal thingy. 

------------

            No BowZim or Poison in this chapter. Sorry if you were disappointed.

                                    -Crystal


	6. A cute short thingy to tell you I'm not ...

                This isn't really a chapter, it is just a little thing I wrote and liked, and I'm showing you guys I'm still alive. ^_^; Sorry I've been gone a while.

-----------------  
                

                "...I can't understand this," BowZim said, hunched over a laptop(labtop? I dunno) computer.

                "What else is new?" Poison said angrily. She shifted her weight in her chair.

                "Really, I have no clue what this means," he said, and he brought the computer over to Poison so she could see it. "Read this," Zim said, pointing.

**                                Fanboylover8623: **OMG! LOL! Ppl lik u make me laf!!!111 U gots da nu ting w/ sparkles?! ROFL!

**                                ULTIMITEVILDOOM: **Bow to me, you waste of carbon!

**                                Fanboylover8623: **LYLAS! XOXOX! XD! FOOK!

                Poison raised an eyebrow. She shook her head and sighed. "I don't know either, Zim," she said. BowZim typed something else.

                                **ULTIMITEVILDOOM: I'm 16, 5 ft. 4 in. with long, blonde hair that goes to my waste. I'm from Egypt.**

                                **Fanboylover8623: U wanna marry meh?! I luv u!**

                BowZim laughed insanely. Poison fought back a chuckle.

                "You want to say anything?" BowZim asked Poison. "I'll say you're my twin."

                "Okay," Poison said, sighing. She told him what to type.

                                **ULTIMITEVILDOOM: My twin wants to talk to you.**

                                **Fanboylover8623: U's gots a twin! OMG! **

                                **ULTIMITEVILDOOM: Hi there.**

                                **Fanboylover8623: Hi.**

                                **ULTIMITEVILDOOM: What's your name?  
                                **Fanboylover8623: **Joseph.**

                                **ULTIMITEVILDOOM: I'm Lucy.**

                                **Fanboylover8623: ASL same as ur sis?**

                BowZim and Poison stared at the screen. They didn't know what ASL meant.

                                **ULTIMITEVILDOOM: Got any pictures?**

                                **Fanboylover8623: Yea, I'll sen u som.**

                A picture of a handsome boy with nothing but a speedo on came up on the screen. BowZim laughed, and Poison was sickened. BowZim quickly deleted it.

                                **Fanboylover8623: Do u hav pic?**

                                **ULTIMITEVILDOOM: Yes, I'll send it through.**

                BowZim sent a picture of a fat, balding man with hair all over his stomach. The fat man was also wearing a speedo, but you couldn't tell because his fat stomach was so huge that it rolled over it. The fat man had a beard and 3 chins.

                                **ULTIMITEVILDOOM: Am I sexy or what?**

                                **Fanboylover8623 has signed off.**

BowZim and Poison laughed insanely together. After a little while, they calmed down.

                "Let's hassle somebody else!" BowZim said.

-----------------

                I dun know when the next real chapter will be up for this fic. Hopefully soon.

                                                                                -Crystal


	7. The Hyperventilating Koopa Thingy

                New updatey time goes wee!

Disclaimer: I dun own Dora the Explorer

--------------

                "Tu eres gordo y bajo!" said the barking metal ball. Dib-ario scratched his head, cause he was stupid and didn't speak Spanish.

                "Me no speaky-o yo languago," Dib-ario replied. The metal ball looked at him confused, then laughed and barked at him. Then he tackled him. Dib-ario cried out in pain. He had jumped back into the first painting he had gone into, cause he didn't feel like going into a level full of water and chasing an eel. He also didn't want to go into a haunted mansion to get eaten by a ghost.

                When he had been in this painting the first time, he had seen the star floating in a cage behind the metal ball dog thingy. A chomp. Whatever they're called. He hadn't been sure how to go about getting the star from the...that thing, so he just decided to talk to it.

                "(there would be an upside down question mark here, but my computer is stupid)Te gusta la comida, si? Ha ha ha!" the chompy ball said, laughing. Dib-ario was deeply confused.

                "Can't you make him speak a different language?!" Dib-ario yelled up at the author. There was a 'ding' sound, and the chomp got all shiny like.

                "Konnichiwa!" the chomp said happily. Dib-ario slapped himself in the face.

                "Hey, I don't think you're getting anywhere with him," some freaky looking turtle koopa thing said, appearing behind Dib-ario. He had ugly shoes on. "Dude, aren't you that greasy guy that killed the King Bomb-omb?"

                "...Yes," Dib-ario replied, scared of the turtle. It made a sound like a hyperventilating weener dog.

                "Kwuh-kwuh!" the turtle said ecstatically, clapping its nubs for hands. "You must have been fast to beat him!"

                Dib-ario scratched his head, remember how slow the Bomb-omb King had moved. "Yeah, okay."

                "Dude, like yo! Let's race! That away, I can prove to the world that you just won that fight because you took steroids!" the turtle said.

                "Wha-?!" Dib-ario exclaimed.

                "Dude, you think I believe somebody like _you_ could kill that King guy? You had to have taken some kind of drug to beat him. Like the chomp ball said, 'Tu eres gordo y bajo!'" He grew serious. "If you want to prove me wrong, beat me in this race." He put out his nub hand. Dib-ario eyed it.

                "You're on," he said, and he shook the nub. A gun was fired somewhere and freaky race/hoe down music started playing, and the turtle ran away and jumped off a cliff.

                "Uuuhh..."

                Dib-ario watched in shock as he saw the turtle run straight up a steep hill, a third of the way up the mountain. He quickly started running, going across the bridge and through the field where the water bombs were still being dropped. Dib-ario saw a pit of giant iron balls rolling around to his right, a steep hill in front of him. He tried to run up the hill, but gravity was against him.

                "Hurray for science!" gravity yelled as it made Dib-ario fall all the way back down the hill and into the pit of giant rolling metal balls that squished him and made him cry like a little baby...*pant pant* Run on sentences are funnerer than science!

                "Ow.." Dib-ario whimpered as he quickly dodged being rolled over a second time. He slowly climbed out of the pit and started running again. "Where's that stupid koopa guy?" he asked, looking around as he ran.

                "Kwuh kwuh!" the koopa cheered from the top of the mountain. "I won! I won!" He did a dance. "Go Koopa, it's yo birthday! Go Koopa! It's yo birthday!" A giant hole opened up underneath the koopa and he fell down it, leaving a star behind. Just as the hole closed up, Dib-ario made it to the top of the mountain.

                "Oh..." Dib-ario whined, panting. He fell over. "I give up. I can't believe a turtle beat me in a race, though." He rubbed his head and sighed. Then he heard the twinkly sound of the star floating by him. He jumped up and raced over to it. 

                "What?! But I lost!" Dib-ario exclaimed.

                "**I hated that guy," the author replied sternly. "**He was such a friggin' jerk, and he always beat me in the giant/tiny level with the goombas.**" Dib-ario grinned and grabbed the star.**

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                King BowZim sat Indian style in front of the TV, bopping his head along to the music coming out of it. A dancing monkey was on the screen.

                "I love my boots! Yep, that's me!" the TV said. BowZim giggled as the monkey did a backflip. Princess Poison groaned in disgust from her throne, her nails digging into the arm rests.

                "Zim, you do realize that show is for babies," she said calmly. She jerked her neck to the side, cracking it.

                "So?!" BowZim replied angrily. "I watch this show every day with Gir. I used to hate it, but it kinda grew on me." Poison glared at him. "...WHAT?!" BowZim demanded. Poison just shook her head. A goomba fell through the roof, screaming insanely. After it landed flat on its face and straightened itself out a little, it ran over to BowZim.

                "Dib-aro comes ever closer, my lord!" the goomba cried, waddling in circles around BowZim and the TV. "Only a few more stars and he'll-"

                "WE DID IT! HURRAY!" the TV blared. The monkey was dancing with a Latin girl. The goomba stared at the TV, his eyes bulging, then he looked over at BowZim and started laughing.

                "Children's cartoons, my lord?!" the goomba cried, and he fell over and kicked his legs in the air as he laughed. Princess Poison groaned. BowZim clenched his fists and glared at the goomba.

                "**SHUTUP!" BowZim screamed, blowing fire out of his mouth. The goomba got caught in the flames and was burnt horribly. When the smoke cleared, all that was left was a pile of smoldering goomba ashes.**

                "Jeez, Zim!" Poison cried from her throne. BowZim rubbed the back of his head, ashamed.

                "He started it!" he said, pointing at the ashes.

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                Dib-ario jumped out of the painting, proud of himself. He took off his hat, scratched his mustache, and threw a shoe at the save menu that constantly bothered him.

                "Hello!" 

                Dib-ario jumped in surprise, and turned to see that Gir was standing in the corner of the room. He was wearing the mushroom hat and blue vest.

                "Where's Tak?!" Dib-ario demanded.

                "She went byes," Gir replied, making chicken wing motions. "She said that you were a pathetic excuse of a hero and that Zim is a mego...meg...megalomaniac and that the author is a psychotic, maniacal beast with poor grammer and she hates everybody." Gir smiled happily at the end of the sentence, sticking his tongue out to the side. "Then a giant hand came out of the sky and took her away!" He through his hands out in the air. "HUG ME!"

                "Sooooo...Tak's not coming back?" Dib-ario asked, keeping his distance from the robot.

                "**No, she isn't. Aint nobody gonna say I gots bad grammer, yo G dog," the author calmly replied.**

                Dib-ario rubbed his head, trying to ignore the author's insane laughter and Gir's screams of pleasure as he wrestled a weasel. "Brain...melting."

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                Twas a bit shorter than usual, but I liked it. Shadole will probably be updated around April 9. If plans change, I'll tell you beforehand.


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